by Kristen A. Jenson, MA and Claudine Gallacher, MA.
Have you seen the anti-porn videos Terry Crews put up on Facebook? They can convince anyone to avoid pornography!
This popular actor, director and former NFL player has revealed his “Dirty Little Secret”–a porn addiction which required professional rehab and support from his wife to overcome. To help you turn Terry’s amazing videos into empowering conversations for your family, we created a “Dirty Little Secret” Family Discussion Guide.
In Terry Crews’ first video he admits that pornography “really, really messed up my life in a lot of ways.”
What amazes us is Terry’s honesty, humility, and courage to speak out. We love these videos! They are filled with encouragement and wisdom that every parent can use to help porn-proof their kids.
So far, Terry has made three videos that he’s posted on his Facebook page.
We’ve reviewed each of his videos and put together a discussion guide with questions that you can use with your kids when you feel they are ready for a more in-depth conversation. These questions would be ideal for tweens and teens.
The “Dirty Little Secret” Family Discussion Guide
Watch “Dirty Little Secret, Part 1″ and discuss any or all of these questions with your family
- What’s a “dirty little secret”? (It’s something a person is ashamed of and wants to hide from others. Many people feel embarrassed to admit that they watch pornography and they try to keep it a secret. Terry says that before he got help for his pornography addiction, he “didn’t tell anybody. It was [his] secret. Nobody knew.” )
- How can keeping a “dirty little secret” make it worse? (Unfortunately keeping porn a secret only makes it more harmful and more addictive. Terry Crews says that because he kept his porn use a secret, it grew. And the fact that he could watch pornography on the internet anonymously–without anyone else knowing–made his dependence on it grow even more. Terry says, “The thing that I found is that by not telling people [pornography] becomes MORE POWERFUL. But when you tell and put it out in the open – just like I’m doing right now to the whole world- IT LOSES ITS POWER!”)
- How can looking at pornography change the way you think about other people? (Terry Crews realized that he began to see people not as real human beings, but as objects, as “things to be used instead of people to be loved.” When he figured out that porn had changed his thinking and his mindset, he wanted to stop.)
- Can viewing porn become an addiction? (Some people don’t believe that pornography can become an addiction, but Terry Crews says he couldn’t stop by himself. He had to get professional help through a rehabilitation program. Terry makes the point that if day turns into night and you’re still looking at pornography, you’ve got a real problem.)
Watch “Dirty Little Secret, Part 2” and discuss any or all of these questions with your family
- Why is it important for us to be aware of our feelings in order to avoid addiction? (Terry Crews says a necessary step in overcoming pornography addiction is to “become more aware” of negative feelings like sadness and loneliness. Often we turn to addictive behaviors or substances to distract us from feeling bad. It’s important for us to find healthy ways to deal with our emotions instead of turning to pornography.)
- What is shame and what’s so bad about it? (Terry Crews says, “Shame doesn’t say you did something bad, shame says you are bad.” Guilt can be good if it causes you to change your behavior or make amends. But shame can lead you to give up trying to be a better person. “If you believe you are bad, you act accordingly.” Terry says, “You have to believe that you are good!”)
- Can you make someone want to stop looking at pornography? (Not really. A person who is looking at pornography “has to want to change” and take responsibility for his or her actions. However, you can support someone who is trying to overcome an addiction.)
Watch “Dirty Little Secret, Part 3” and discuss any or all of these questions with your family
- What does it mean to feel entitled or have a sense of entitlement? Why is that dangerous? (Terry Crews says it’s when you believe the world owes you something: “I felt everybody owed me.” In other words, it means other people should meet all your needs and you can blame them if they don’t. Blaming others leads to self-pity. This way of thinking is dangerous because it leads us to see ourselves as better than other people. And then we feel like we can use them to get what we want.)
- How can pornography hurt a marriage? (Terry Crews says that we all want intimacy–to feel close to another person. But every time he watched porn, it put another brick in the wall between him and his wife. Terry says, “Pornography is an INTIMACY KILLER!”)
- What’s the first thing you need to do to change your behavior or overcome a bad habit? (Terry Crews says, “If you do not change your beliefs, it’s impossible to change your actions.” Some people believe that you need sex, but you can live without sex. “And the truth is that sexual energy is something that you can harness like electricity. And you can use it in the right way at the right time and it will bless you. But if you don’t, if you let it go all over the place, you… get electrocuted. Your relationship will be electrocuted.”)
Terry Crews is a Hero
Terry’s courage is simply heroic. He not only exposes the lies in pornography, but asks us to take a good look at our core beliefs about how we should treat each other. We know that his common sense advice and encouragement will spark important conversations about the problems created by pornography.
Know any skeptics? Have them watch these videos!
Together we say: Thank you, Terry Crews, for being the change you want to see in the world and for making it your mission to help others escape and avoid the trap of pornography.
Check out Terry’s new book: Manhood: How to Be a Better Man–Or Just Live with One
Recent 5-Star Amazon Reviews of Good Pictures Bad Pictures
“I couldn’t be happier! This book makes this whole conversation with your child seem so easy to explain.”
“Masterfully written. Really, really insightful. It will be so easy for kids to remember the concepts! I had no idea what to expect but the book came today and is everything I was hoping for! It will become my personal mission to tell every parent I know about this book. May God protect little eyes and hearts with this book.”
“HIGHLY recommend the book Good Pictures Bad Pictures as a way to preemptively address it in a way that maintains innocence while equipping kids & parents with the skills they need to avoid the addictive trap of pornography. We’ve also used this book with our kids to help teach them the skills they need to know how to respond BEFORE first exposure. It’s not a ‘religious’ book – it uses easy-to-understand science and simple analogies to teach children what pornography is, why it’s dangerous, and how to reject it.”
Claudine Gallacher, MA, is the Social Media Guru at Protect Young Minds and was the writing coach for Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids. Claudine is enthusiastic about teaching parents how to empower kids with the skills they need to reject pornography. To reach parents, she writes, researches, edits, speaks, and markets. Claudine is married and has three great kids who support her work. Contact Claudine on twitter @PornproofKids or email email@example.com