Most tweens are exposed (sometimes often) to pornography.  No big deal? Every kid does it? No harm done? Wrong!

Helping tweens develop resilience to the peer pressure to look at pornography is critical. Tweens need to understand why they should choose to look away.

Convince Your Tween NOT to Use Porn

So what can we do to help a 10-12 year old decide to reject porn?  Here are 5 ideas:

#1 Be willing to talk openly with your tween

As children enter the pre-teen (often called “tween”) years, their natural sexual curiosity begins to emerge. These new feelings can provoke anxiety for them. Helping children cope with their new feelings and urges is an important part of being a parent. Kids need to hear that sexual feelings are experienced by everyone and are a normal part of developing into an adult.

When parents are willing to talk to a kids about sex, kids are less likely to seek answers from their peers. Honest and open communication is the first step to convincing a tween not to use porn.

Get our FREE Guide: 5 Things Teens Wish Their Parents Knew about Porn based on a presentation by Clay Olsen of Fight the New Drug. Click on this image:

#2 Let your tween know porn is fake

Here are some ways that pornography is artificial:

  • Images in pictures are changed with a computer to make them more captivating.
  • Females often have had plastic surgery and other things done to their bodies to look different
  • Women often take drugs to dull the pain of what is done to them in porn.
  • Men are often given drugs to enhance their performance.

In other words, what you see in porn isn’t what things are like in real life.

#3 People in porn are abused

Most women who appear in porn have been sexually abused. What is usually shown in porn is extremely violent. When men hit women in porn, as is the case on almost all scenes of popular pornography, it isn’t making love, or even sex: it is sexual violencePorn often teaches that violence and sex are supposed to go together. They are not.  Women do not like to be hit, and to hit them is both damaging and abusive. When you say no to porn, you are taking a stand against abuse.

#4 Porn is designed to manipulate you

Pornographers want to hook you and then get you addicted to images that aren’t natural. Then, you will need what they produce instead of desiring what you were created to feel in a relationship with a real person. Don’t fall for this trick!

In fact, the more guys use porn, the more likely they are to have erectile dysfunction with a partner. Sadly, many can function with porn, but not with a person. Erectile dysfunction occurs in up to 60% of men who become addicted to porn. Boys beware: don’t give away your sexuality!

#5 Pornographers want your money

Pornographers make money by charging people for some of their sites and charging advertising on others. Even when you click on “free” porn, you put money in their pockets. But you can say no and #RefuseToClick!

Fight the porn industry by teaching kids the truth about it

As parents, we can be influential in the lives of our children by setting boundaries and providing information designed to help them make informed decisions and choices.  We must fight back against a porn industry that could render them unable to enjoy a sexual relationship with a real person in a meaningful relationship.

We need to have an ongoing conversation not just a one-time ‘talk’ with our kids about sexuality and pornography.  In the age of unlimited access to Internet porn, there is no other wise choice.

John D. Foubert, Ph.D. is the author of the new book, How Pornography Harms: What Teens, Young Adults, Parents & Pastors Need to Know (LifeRich Publishing).

 

 

John Foubert, PhD
John D. Foubert, Ph.D., LLC. is a Professor of Higher Education and Student Affairs at Oklahoma State University, National President of One in Four (www.oneinfourusa.org) and Principal of John D. Foubert, LLC consulting. Dr. Foubert is the author of ten books including his new release, "How Pornography Harms: What Teens, Young Adults, Parents & Pastors Need to Know."
Dr. Foubert's work has been featured in the Washington Post, Time, The New York Times, The Houston Chronicle, the Chronicle of Higher Education and numerous other outlets. He is a regular guest on CNN and NPR.
Dr. Foubert speaks and consults with universities nationwide and the U.S. Military in the U.S. and Europe. Dr. Foubert has testified before Congress, has been called upon by the White House about how to end rape, and conducts high level briefings at the Pentagon. He can be reached at john.foubert@gmail.com. Follow him on Twitter @JohnFoubert.
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